My thoughts linger, allowing the memory of you,
The memory of us, to slip through
The cracks of my conscious
These thoughts last only long enough to refocus
My attention and snap shut your memory
To snap shut the box that contains all of you,
In the deep dark corners of my mind
This box, I have not yet been able to lock.
I long for the ability to be able to lock you away.
To lock you away and throw out the key
But subconsciously I’m still wishing on you,
Still longing to rewind the time
These memories, like squeezing lemon juice
On my open wounds,
You sting me.
Wounds of rug burn from when you ripped
The rug out from under my feet I had trusted you.
I had loved you.
You ripped this rug out, sending my suffering body whirling back.
You ripped this carpet out because of your lack of love,
Your selfishness, your unsatisfying hunger
Hunger for more attention, more love
For more praise, for more women
You wounded me with those thoughts,
With those words,
Words that turned my world upside down
Wounds that ripped back open every single time I cautiously placed each foot back on that rug.
Your poisonous words, heavy with lies,
You coaxed me.
And I believed you. I wanted so hard
To believe you
But again, my scabs you ripped off,
Letting the stinging air attack them,
As your poisonous lies attacked my heart